My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
