Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
