I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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