On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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