Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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