Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
