Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
