where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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