Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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