They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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