she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
