I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
pop tarts are not kleenex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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