Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
