i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
