Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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