I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
