i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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