There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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