He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
