If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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