My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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