He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
