How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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