Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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