I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
