She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
