I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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