You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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