Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
