smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
