no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
