I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
