my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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