Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
