my phone needs a breathalizer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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