I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
