Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
