I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
