Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
