I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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