put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
