you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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