I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
