A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
