Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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