I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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