oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
