If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This baby is an asshole
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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