Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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