I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
