Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
