dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
