I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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