I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
