I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
