did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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