Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
