Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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