I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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