I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had to cum in my sink.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
