I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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