Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
