remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
