Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
