A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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