Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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