1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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