Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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