You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize