I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
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sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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