honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
