Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we have officially lost it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
