It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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