I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
