You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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