I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
