you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
