I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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