youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's like iHOP with fire
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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