I think im going to throw up on grandma
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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