god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish there were birth control emojis
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
